Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
