Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
