you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want her autograph on my taint
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
