After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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