If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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