Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
