Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
