I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
