You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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