Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
smell my finger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
