Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
