would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
