He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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