Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
