i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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