So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
