do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
