He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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