I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
