Your tits are I can't wait for
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this will be a night to untag.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
