I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
