HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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