At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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