Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
