Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
