Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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