I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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