Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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