Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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