I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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