It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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