Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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