I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
