We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
