Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
