hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
