Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
