How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
