I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
