Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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