i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
