Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
