i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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