yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So much rum. So many feels.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
