In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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