I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
