So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
