this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
