good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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