she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
