Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
