mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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