plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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