Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
