I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
