We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
