He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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