Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
