You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They took my balls.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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