Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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