youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
