Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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