I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
