From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
