I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize