I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
