Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
