Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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