Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Two words: nipple clamps
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