My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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