And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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