well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
