i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
