he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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