i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
